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Feed The Fire In My Soul: Remission! Chemotherapy Reflection Part Four
As I am finishing my second month of remission, I continuously cry out to God with this one plea; “I don’t want my cancer journey to be wasted!” The question that rises out of this plea is; “God how do you want to use me now? How can my cancer be used for your praise, your glory?” Questions after facing finality In staring the possibility of death in the face, I have found that you can ask God one of two things; “God, why me? I have been serving you with my whole life. Why cancer? Why me? Why now!” or “God, allow me the privilege to be a marked…
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A Cup of Coffee… In Jesus Name
Exiting the coffee shop last week it was unseasonably warm. Spring wrapped in summers temperatures. Trees flouting their first blooms. Sidewalks filled with bike riders and walkers anxious to take in the suns warmth after a long winter. It was the first time I had seen him. There he sat. Ragged. Glazed, unseeing eyes. Slumped shouldered, yet with head thrown back taking in the warmth of the sun’s rays. It was almost as if he thought the sun itself could feed his empty stomach. The first time I had seen him I walked past. Startled by his vacant, glazed eyes. At first they frightened me; but almost instantly my fear…
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Surprised by God: Chemotherapy Reflection Part Three
On January 06, 2023, I went for my third chemotherapy treatment. I have now made it halfway through! After a good appointment with the PA on the oncology team, I headed off to treatment. It was a full waiting room and took a while for me to get a space. All twenty-three rooms on my side of the hall were full, except for two, and one was to be mine. Making a Choice Due to technical issues, my treatment was delayed two hours. Joel and I realized this would be a very long and tiring day, with a three-hour drive home on top of treatment time. I had to pause…
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God of All Comfort: Chemotherapy Reflections Part Two
This past week was the week of hair loss, hours of debilitating headaches, nausea, insomnia and the realization that I am on chemo. Yet this has also been the week of celebrating the joys of getting-to-do the mundane. Preparing a meal, creating an online shopping order, addressing Christmas cards, washing and folding a load of laundry, wrapping a Christmas gift, making annual cheese balls, dipping chocolate pretzels and making peppermint and almond bark. As the week continued to progress, the good began to outweigh the days of laying low. For this I have been grateful! Yet in the not so good days, I have found that during this holy season…
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In Need Of The Miraculous: Chemotherapy Reflections Part One
This holy season my mind turns once again towards the birth of Jesus. The wonder. The mystery. The miraculous. How often do I allow this same Jesus to show up and make Himself known in my everyday life? And when he does show up, do I see Him and share the magnificence of what He has done? A week had passed since my first chemo treatment. To my amazement I mostly had energy and thankfully no nausea. To my dismay a molar crown fell out. After my recent tonsillectomy I noticed this crown was not seated properly and had most likely been loosened during my procedure. I…
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Wasting Energy On What May Never Happen
The sun is shy, blinking its way through the rain-filled clouds. On days like this, I awake in a mood. I want to stay asleep instead of bounding out of bed with anticipation of what a new day will bring. I click on the white, year-round Christmas lights in my studio. An apparent need for extra light on this dismal summer morning. On my way for coffee, I click on the set above my dining room hutch. Some days just call for extra illumination. This is one of them. Rest Robbers How is it possible to wake up just as tired as you were when you went to bed eight…
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Look to the Hills
The hills touch the sky. My eyes lift from the din of today’s circumstances. In my upward gaze I find solace and strength to face what lies in the valleys of my soul. Jesus is my soul keeper. He shepherds my soul well. I stand amazed at how Jesus knows what lies in the cracks and crevices of my soul. He knows what lurks behind the shadows; ever longing to rescue me from danger. He delights to meet me as I draw near to Him. He is ever present. Always willing to meet me where I am. Today, this is enough for me. He is enough. …
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Prayer for Direction
Oh God, I want to know your ways. Lead me in your truth and teach me; for you are the God of my salvation. You chose me before the foundation of the world that I would walk in you. Make known your ways to me, O LORD. Illumine your path before me. Exchange my aimlessness with godly purpose. Show me the righteous way to walk. I need to know your path, for here my footsteps will be sure, steady and purposeful. God, I trust in you to lead me in the very best pathways for my life. I wait for you to guide me. Give me a patient…
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The Tension of Art and Words
This past year in isolation, art became a daily rhythm of soul care for me. Little watercolor vignettes poured from paint and brush. This was something I didn’t know I could do; but there they were, teacups bursting with blossoms, flowers and leaves spilling from water pots, tea cups and mugs. Yet in the act of art, my words became pushed aside; revealing a season for new things where words were not present. The joy of creating art made my heart swell, while the lack of words was something new to me. I have always had words. This art journey was a surprise I was not expecting. This became troubling…
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Letting Go of My Own Understanding
Limitations Lately I have been struggling with a body that seems trapped. I long for freedom of body and mind. To journey life by going after my passion, without the limitations of being physically and emotionally exhausted. To accomplish what I have been gifted to do, with out constraint. In the face of a medical procedure and Covid, I have been consistently fatigued in body and mind. I don’t know about you, but when I get physically fatigued, I often find my mind in turmoil. How easy it can spin out of control! Casting shadows of doubt on the One who I know loves me unconditionally, and the One who…
